Gratitude in Marriage: Finding the Good in Your Spouse

Song of Solomon 4:9–10 (ESV)

9 You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.

10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!

As we continue our week of Thanksgiving, let’s consider this beautiful expression of gratitude on the Song of Solomon. You can ignore what seems strange to us when he calls her his sister. This was an expression of that day. He is showing his appreciation to his bride. 

When we think about gratitude within our relationships, let’s face it—as the years together increase, so does our tendency to take one another for granted. But gratitude to God, as we have been studying this week, draws us nearer to Him and brings Him nearer to us. This is the Biblical principle of gratitude. The same is true when we show heartfelt gratitude, rather than superficial thanks, to our spouses. Taking the time to stop and tell them how grateful we are is important.

If our minds have become bitter because of hurt and pain, it may be difficult for our hearts to rediscover why we might be grateful for our spouse. To show gratitude in marriage, we must discipline the eyes of our hearts. We must dismantle the habit of finding what is wrong and learn anew to search for what is good. Even then, we may struggle. We may need to find the smallest reasons to be thankful if the relationship has been particularly painful most recently. But if we open our eyes, we will find the good to be grateful for.

It is easy for pain to cloud our memory of who they were when we met them. Their mistakes, our responses, and their responses to our responses can make the relationship spiral to depths we never thought possible. But with one moment of gratitude, we can stop the decline. If we can build on one moment with another—retraining our eyes to see the good more than the pain—the spiral can be reversed. Love covers over a multitude of sins. As we love better despite the pain they have caused, it can create a spirit of gratitude in them to the point that they want to do better.

Here is a text I received recently from a lady I have counseled, who had to learn how to see the good more than the great pain she had experienced in her marriage:

"Good morning. I just wanted to reach out to you and tell you thank you for all you’ve done in your counsel of me for our marriage. Things are going quite well, and we just celebrated our anniversary. Thank you for your input into our marriage and how you’ve helped me to try to do things differently. There may be times I’ll need you again, but I just wanted to thank you immensely for all you’ve done for us!!"

Everyone reading this knows it was not me. I teach the Lord’s way. When we live that way—showing gratitude to the Lord by finding the good in our spouse despite the pain—He provides a new way for His glory and our blessings!

Take some time to tell your spouse how grateful you are and see if God doesn’t start doing something new and wonderful.